Dan Stringer

navigating the convergence of faith, culture and the common good

Grief journal (9 months)

August 20, 2011

“Our lives can indeed be seen as a process of becoming familiar with death, as a school in the art of dying. I do not mean this in a morbid way. On the contrary, when we see life constantly relativized by death, we can enjoy it for what it is: a free gift.” —Henri Nouwen, A Letter of Consolation

Nine months before Vincent was born, I had no idea we were having another son. Nine months since his passing, I have no idea how to live without him. He was an unexpected gift; neither did I foresee giving him away. I figured he would still be here. Perhaps I assumed too much.

Strangely enough, I don’t want the pain to stop—not all of it, anyway. Tears and memories are my connection to Vincent, proof that he still matters to me. There are few things I dread more than numbness toward what I cherish most. To stop feeling is to stop caring.

I hope I never stop missing that little boy. I can no longer see him playing with toy trains, hear him laughing with his brother or pick him up when it’s time for a bedtime story. I may not enjoy the pain of living with a broken heart, but I hope to always feel something when I think of my son. The best gifts stay with you forever.

  • It’s strange how much can happen in a 9 month period. Nine months and lives are changed forever. I don’t think there’s any chance you will ever stop feeling or caring or remembering Vincent. His memories are engraved in our hearts, not just written in our minds. I always appreciate your posts. Praying for you still as you miss that precious child.

  • i-man

    Dan,

    Thank you for sharing your pain with us – these posts are gifts. We continue to think of you and your family often. You and Becca continue to be huge encouragements to me.

  • Rosemary Andrade

    Still praying for you and your family. You will never forget or stop the memories
    of the good and bad times with Vincent.You must continue to live each day for yourself, Becca and Theo.
    Blessings Rosemary

  • Thanks for sharing your heart, Dan. We love you guys.

  • Mom

    I don’t think the pain of losing a child ever goes away. Although the sting of it may lessen with time, there will always be a hole in your heart because of the love you and Becca have for Vinny. None of us expected to lose him so quickly.Despite the pain of his loss, I am so glad to have him, even for such a short time. In his little life, he did a lot of good.

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